I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
