Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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