I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
