I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
