I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
