Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
