doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
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Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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