I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
