I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
They took my balls.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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