How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
