We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
