Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
