No stitches, just platelets and will power
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
