I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
