I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
