Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My vagina just clenched in fear
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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