I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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