I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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