Your tits are I can't wait for
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize