i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
