Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
