I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
