Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
