my mouth tastes like poor choices
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
