I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
