Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
