Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
