I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
