Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
