can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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