well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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