I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
