On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
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Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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