He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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