I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
