We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
