I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
