Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
