dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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