so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
