Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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