haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
my poor anus
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
