No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
