im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
