so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
