Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This house was built for laser tag.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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