Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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