THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
