I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
