Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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