Can Purell be used as lube?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
