Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
