dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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