Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
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Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!