false alarm. still invincible.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.