party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?