Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
