I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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