My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize