Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
