How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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