either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize