yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
