I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
