You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
