im six kinds of drunk right now
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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