I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
