So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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