She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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