Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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