Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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