I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
