Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
