you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
