my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
